


like real people do

by aanathemaa



Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Mild Language, Past Drug Use, Texting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:41:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27916912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aanathemaa/pseuds/aanathemaa
Summary: Behind Carlos, TK can see that his dad and Michelle also stopped dancing, and instead, they're watching them intently, as if they could actually hear the conversation. TK's quickly reminded of how his dad constantly says that he should at least try to immerse himself into this new Austin life, that it might not be so bad to make some new friends, that he might like it eventually, and when he looks back to Carlos, the man is waiting patiently for an answer.
Relationships: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand
Comments: 83
Kudos: 159





	1. Chapter 1

TK's been nursing water for at least thirty minutes. He doesn't really want to be here. In fact, he's only here because his dad pleaded with him, telling him that it'd be nice to bond with the team outside of work. And because TK is doing his best to keep his dad happy, shame and guilt eating away most of his words of protest, here he is, trying to listen to Marjan talk over the loud buzz of the voices in the bar.

It doesn't work, mostly because he's too busy slipping back into his thoughts of a certain man that has made himself at home in TK's head and won't leave, but from what he can tell so far, most of Marjan's work stories have the same motto: run into the fire first, ask questions later. TK can't really judge her, he knows a thing or two about that, but Judd and his dad look a little horrified and so his dad proceeds to make a speech about rules and trust in the workplace, making Paul smirk and shake his head.

TK checks his phone. It's too early to leave without looking like a dick. He doesn't mean to offend his dad, or Marjan, or any of them, but the only place where he really wants to be right now is at _home_. He isn't sure if by 'home' he means the house he currently shares with his dad or his apartment back in New York, but he tries not to dwell on that anymore.

Unfortunately, according to his dad, spending most of your time off in bed 'isn't helpful or healthy'. Well, not to him anyway. 

Was it unhelpful and unhealthy to spend your free time in your bed, analyzing and reanalyzing your entire relationship with your ex, nitpicking every single moment that felt 'off', every argument, every kiss, and going over that final conversation a thousand times, still not understanding why it got you where it did? 

Maybe. _Probably_. But TK can't pretend he's just... over it. It doesn't work like that. 

Truthfully, he's far from being over it, if the itch to check Alex's social media (because apparently, TK can't even block him) is anything to go by. 

"Hey," his dad suddenly pipes up, straightening in his seat, "look who's here!" 

TK looks up too, seeing the EMS captain walk towards them with a smile, and he's once again amused at how his dad gets all excited whenever she's around. He likes to think he's smooth, but it's all very obvious to TK.

"My, my, you're all here." Michelle says with a smile. Then she throws a glance behind her shoulder, "Carlos, I think I've found us some good company." 

The man that's trailing behind her suddenly comes into view and TK's breath gets caught in his throat for a brief moment.

He's... well, he's _gorgeous_. There are no other words that would do him justice. At least none that TK could think of right now.

He's all toned muscles with a strong build, carved in a way that would make Greek gods jealous, and it doesn't help that his green t-shirt hugs his shoulders perfectly, or that his jeans fit so well around his hips and thighs, like they were tailored for him. 

When TK looks up, he's met with a sweet small smile and a pair of glinting doe eyes looking straight at him. He'd be worried about being caught staring, but he's too busy wondering when was the last time he'd seen someone so beautiful. 

"Hey, Michelle, Carlos." Judd greets them with a nod, bringing TK out of his daze. That's when Carlos looks away too. He extends his hand to shake Judd's and TK's eyes instantly dart to his forearm, veins pressed out against the skin. 

"Hey." he says and _God_ , even his voice sounds delicious. TK does _not_ need this. 

"Uh," Michelle looks between them, unsure of where to start, "Carlos, this is Owen, Marjan, Paul, TK and," she frowns slightly.

"Mateo." Mateo supplies with a smile.

"Right," Michelle nods, "I'm sorry Mateo, I've had a really long shift." 

"It's no problem, cap." he assures her. 

"So this is the new 126." she says to Carlos, and TK doesn't miss the way Judd takes a big swing of his beer, "And this is Carlos. He's an officer with Austin PD so you will bump into him a lot." she tells them.

TK thinks for a moment that it'd be nice, _bumping into Carlos every now and then_ , but he can't really delve into that. Not only is Carlos most probably straight, but TK's hands are still sore from picking himself up day by day, trying not to fall apart as every thought of Alex comes to him like a punch to the gut. He doesn't dare to do more than admire what anyone with eyes can see.

After that, Michelle and Carlos join them for drinks. TK spends most of the time staring at the table, a glass of water in his hands and a (ridiculous) straw between his lips, mostly in an attempt not to talk or to be talked to. He still feels vaguely out of place and too deep into his head to actually make an effort to fit in. 

He also doesn't want to look up. If he does, he'll just end up staring at Carlos, who's sitting across him, and make things awkward between them.

It's annoying too, he usually has no problem talking to new people, but he's changed a lot in the past month... his confidence isn't what it used to be.

He checks the time on his phone and he's just about to come up with an excuse to go home when Carlos' voice startles him.

"Hey," he says lightly, "would you like to dance?" 

TK's eyes widen for a second.

_Uhm, what?_

When his head snaps towards Carlos, he wants to cringe at the sudden movement. He stares at him for a little while, but Carlos looks just as confused as he is, a little hesitant too.

Then, TK slowly looks to his left. Marjan had come to sit there ten minutes ago, so she could talk to Judd, but she seems entirely lost in the conversation. 

"Uh," TK starts, clearing his throat and setting the glass of water on the table, "I don't think she heard you." 

"Oh, I-" Carlos begins, stuttering ever so slightly, "I was talking to you."

TK frowns briefly, and then his eyebrows shoot up. 

"Me?"

"Yeah." Carlos says, quieter. "If you'd like to."


	2. Chapter 2

TK isn't sure what made him say yes, but it might have had something to do with the pair of soft brown eyes that ambushed him. He panicked and he knew there wasn't much to say to that look other than 'yes'. The smile that followed when TK finally answered is one that he tries not to commit to memory. It was gentle and sweet and... so very dangerous. 

But he's done it, he said yes, and now he has to stand up and follow this man to the crowded dancefloor. He knows the whole table must be watching them, that his dad's probably pinching himself right now, but TK doesn't dare to look back. 

This is new... very new. He hasn't done something like this for a long time. And it'd be easier if he could actually remember what to do with his body, but it feels like his brain is lagging, still trying to catch up with the fact that he accepted this man's invitation.

It isn't exactly awful, maybe just a bit uncomfortable, but there's also a spark of something in his chest that TK can't quite name right now. It feels oddly familiar. Like... excitement.

Whatever it is, it flickers and flickers and sends little shocks all over his body.

Then, TK realizes that he has to actually hear the music over his thoughts if he wants to move to it and not further embarrass himself in front of Carlos. He blinks and swallows and tries not to think too hard about what he's actually doing, which is the exact opposite of what he had planned for tonight. 

When his mind clears a little and he can finally hear what's playing, he thinks 'oh God, I know this' and he's thankful that he doesn't have to actually dance to something he's never heard before, but he's still so very nervous to stand here, in front of Carlos. He seems so confident and relaxed and TK cannot relate.

"I'm sorry," he brings a hand to his forehead, cringing, "I haven't done this in a long time." 

Carlos chuckles then, stepping closer. It takes TK by surprise and he almost takes a step back, but Carlos doesn't give him the chance.

"Don't worry about it." he says instead, smiling, and with that, TK feels him grab his hand. 

Carlos twirls him twice, which makes the room spin a little, but it's what really jumpstarts the whole thing. With some adrenaline pumping through his veins, the stiffness slowly seeps out of his body and he lets Carlos take the lead while he adjusts to his surroundings. Carlos seems to be okay with it and, just like that, they're going back and forth, swaying and swinging and spinning to the beat of Crazy Little Thing Called Love. 

TK doesn't miss how easily Carlos falls into a rhythm, gliding along the floor with confidence and letting his hips do the magic. It's really... hot.

It's somehow funny too, how surreal it is. TK feels all giddy inside for some reason and he ends up laughing a lot through the whole thing, especially when he sees his dad being led to the dancefloor by none other than captain Blake. He shrugs at TK and grins, as if to say 'let's do this' and TK shakes his head, still laughing. He bumps slightly into Carlos while his gaze follows his dad and Michelle through the crowd. 

"I'm sorry, I-"

"You're alright." Carlos assures him with a smile. It's much like the one he's given TK earlier, after asking him if he wants to dance, and it kind of startles him _again_ , but, just like earlier, he has a hard time looking away. The moment stretches for a little while and TK knows this is going to turn awkward real quick, but Carlos also refuses to look away. Those brown eyes bore into his own like there's more to see in them than just color. It throws TK off. 

In a flash, he remembers. He remembers where he is and he remembers where he was supposed to be and this... this right here is not what he's supposed to do. 

The music stops then, and the chatter that overtakes the room wakes both of them up. In fact, they hadn't even moved for the last few seconds of the song. TK tries not to let his face show that he suddenly feels like fleeing. He keeps his smile on and takes half a step back. 

"Thank you. That was fun." he says to Carlos, who seems to have sobered up as well. 

"Uhm, yeah, I-" he inhales, "Could I have your number?"

At these words, TK's mouth opens slightly and he feels lost. It's not what he expected. No part of this evening is what he expected. And Carlos' sweet, he really is, but TK...

Well, he can't. Not now anyway. 

An image of Alex sitting across him at a table suddenly clouds his head and he has to blink and look away from Carlos for a moment.

They're standing in the middle of a dancefloor though, and TK doesn't want to do this here, but he bites his lip and looks back up to meet the other man's eyes. 

"I'm sorry." he says, feeling his chest tighten, "You seem like a nice guy, I'm just not-"

Carlos watches him trail off and TK wants to curse because apparently, he can't even form proper sentences. It makes him feel like a dick. 

Carlos just slightly shakes his head and smiles reassuringly. 

"It doesn't have to be like that." he explains, "We could just grab a drink sometimes. Maybe I can show you around Austin a little if you'd like to." 

TK's eyes narrow a little. In retrospect, he's heard lines like these before. _We don't have to do anything, we can just hang._ And it usually ended with him and whoever doing something different than _just hanging_. 

However, Carlos seems to mean it. Hell, TK's barely met him, but there's something in his look that doesn't evoke as much suspicion as TK would normally have in these kinds of situations. 

Behind Carlos, TK can see that his dad and Michelle also stopped dancing, and instead, they're watching them intently, as if they could actually hear the conversation. TK's quickly reminded of how his dad constantly says that he should at least try to immerse himself into this new Austin life, that it might not be so bad to make some new friends, that he might like it eventually, and when he looks back to Carlos, the man is waiting patiently for an answer. 

"Okay." TK says with a small nod, smile a little wider, but way tenser, "We can do that."


	3. Chapter 3

TK sighs and throws the remote next to him on the couch, resting his head on his fist and closing his eyes. Free days sucked nowadays. It was on free days that his mind usually wandered off into dark places with little to no resistance. No map, no GPS, and definitely no flashlight. Just endless cobwebs of bitter thoughts to get tangled in.

And isn't that fun? Spending most of your free time stress cleaning a clean house just to make sure you don't slip down a rabbit hole of the same thoughts you've had for the past two months while at the same time not going out for a walk because you can't be bothered to dress up and look decent. And while TK no longer spends hours just convincing himself to get out of bed, things like going on a run, things he used to love, still seem like a chore. 

Sometimes he _does_ want to go out though. He gets halfway dressed, ready to go out on his own, ready to really see what Austin has to offer, and then he figures, 'this is stupid' and changes his clothes again.

It doesn't help that it feels awkward to ask any of his teammates to come out with him. The new 126 is still... well, it's still pretty _new_. They still barely know each other and even if they're not stepping on each other's toes as much as they did in the first weeks, TK isn't sure that they'd want to deal with him outside of work too. 

So on days like these, he wishes he was at work. Whether it meant focusing on saving someone's life or hearing Marjan and Mateo bicker over nothing, work was a good distraction. And maybe distractions don't heal fresh, deep wounds, but TK figures that this is as good as it gets.

**_Ping._ **

TK's eyes flutter open and he glances at the phone on the small coffee table in front of him. He wishes he could stop Facebook from sending him all those annoying 'friend suggestions', but, as habit goes, he picks up the device and checks it anyway. And to his surprise, it's not a Facebook notification, but a text message from his dad, who, unlike TK, is out on (not) a date with lovely Michelle. 

[22:12] Hey. How are you? You okay?

His dad might not be aware of this, but TK knows that's code for 'should I come home?' and 'do you need me?'. He knows his dad worries about him more than he lets on, but TK doesn't want to ruin what little fun he gets to have from time to time. He deserves every bit of it and just because TK's miserable doesn't mean others should be miserable too.

He types a quick reply of 'yeah, dad, I'm good, stop acting like a mother hen', adds a rolling eyes emoji, and exits the conversation. 

He's about to lock his phone and toss it next to the remote when something catches his attention. Four rows down from his chat with his dad, he spots a familiar name.

_Carlos._

Carlos from the bar. Carlos the incredibly hot officer. Carlos who, upon meeting TK, asked him to dance and later asked for his number too. 

TK's finger hovers over the name for a few seconds before he opens up the chat. There are only two messages there. One where Carlos introduces himself again and lets TK know that he should text if he ever wants to hang out and one where TK replies with no more than 'sure, thanks'.

TK cringes at his reply. Carlos had been so nice to him and yet, that was pretty much their entire conversation since the night they first met. They did bump into each other a couple of times at work, but their interactions have been short and polite, and TK had mostly been too busy struggling to function after work to remember that there was a handsome officer who wanted to show Austin to him. 

And now that he recalls that night, he thinks it was fun. Sad, boring, and stressful, yes, but fun too! 

In a sudden and unexpected move, Carlos had asked him to dance and for a few minutes, TK forgot he was drowning. For a few minutes, he was laughing, amused and embarrassed at the same time. 

Staring at the screen now, TK wants to laugh. The thought of texting Carlos three weeks later is kind of crazy, but there's also a sudden surge of adrenaline coursing through his body and loudly shouting 'what the hell', so he grabs a pillow for comfort and hugs it close to his chest and starts writing. 

[22:21] _hey, what's up?_

As soon as he presses 'send', he panics, and the more he stares at his phone, the less bold he feels. Yes, 'what the hell', but as in... what the hell are you doing, TK?

It takes Carlos two minutes to reply and TK is kind of baffled if he's honest. 

[22:23] **Oh, he does text! :)**

TK buries his head in the pillow and groans loudly. Here we go.

[22:23] **Just got back from a run. You?**

So they have that in common. Well, mostly. TK's been skipping his daily runs for two weeks now, but he generally really loves it, so it's nice to know that maybe Carlos does too. He wonders what it'd be like if they went on runs together. It'd be nice to have some of his motivation back.

_Alright, TK, don't freak him out!_

[22:24] _not much. kinda bored. and there's no more ice cream._ 😔 

[22:24] **You like ice cream?**

[22:24] _who doesn't??_

[22:25] **Touche.**

[22:25] **We should go for some sometimes. I know a spot.**

TK inhales. He stands up and paces the room, still staring at the screen. This feels.. weird. And the excitement that ran through him as he danced with Carlos seems to have returned, taking him by surprise. It's both fun and uncomfortable, and TK isn't sure what to do with it.

[22:26] _yeah, we could do that._

[22:26] _i wanted to get some now, but i'm too lazy to walk to the store_ 😩

[22:29] **We could go together if you want to. Just let me have a quick shower first.**

_Uhm, what?_

What does that mean??

TK checks the time and sure enough, it's as late as he thought it is. Well, for a free day anyway. Firefighters, like most first responders, have a different understanding of what 'late' means, but still.. they don't even know each other and this is just so.. unexpected? 

TK is kind of dumbfounded, but he's also reeling just from the conversation alone.

[22:31] _carlos, it's almost 11??_

[22:31] **Do you have a curfew? :)**

 _Hah._ The _nerve_. But TK's too busy laughing to come up with a comeback so Carlos quickly continues. 

[22:31] **I'm just joking. It's okay if you don't want to. I know it's kind of late.**

[22:31] _so you were joking about the curfew_

[22:31] _but you're actually serious_

[22:32] _about getting ice cream together_

[22:32] **Yep.**

TK's about to give up on trying to make it make sense. They're barely two minutes into this conversation and he's been on a rollercoaster of emotions already. He doesn't know what game Carlos is playing, but he also doesn't hate it either. In fact, he doesn't really know what to think of it just yet.

[22:33] _but you don't know where i live_

[22:33] _i could be on the opposite side of austin!_ 😩

[22:33] **I do have a car, you know. A fully functional one too. :)**

TK rolls his eyes and smiles. _This guy..._

[22:33] **So do you want us to get some ice cream? This made me crave some too.**

[22:34] _..._

[22:34] _fine, fine_

[22:34] _do you know the cherrywood coffeehouse?_

[22:34] **Yeah. Should we meet there?**

He can't help but wonder... _is this weird? Should I do this? It could be fun, but..._ _No!_ _It'd be even weirder to back out of it now._

And TK wants to go, he does, it's just... he doesn't know what to expect from Carlos. The man is a bit of a mystery. Does he normally do this? Is this an act? Is he that nice and spontaneous? 

[22:35] _yeah, sure_

[22:35] _but really... it's not too far from you, is it?_

[22:35] _i don't want to make you drive for too long_

[22:35] _you're probably tired_

[22:35] _and you shouldn't be accompanying strangers_

[22:35] _on their night quest to get ice cream_

[22:35] **Hmm, I don't think we're strangers though.**

[22:36] **And I'm the one who offered to be part of this mission.**

[22:36] **Besides, it's like I said. Now I want some ice cream too.**

[22:36] _okay.. text me you're nearby?_

[22:36] **I will. :)**


	4. Chapter 4

TK groans loudly. There is nothing in his closet that says 'weird ice cream hunt with cute officer' and he's already tried four different outfits. This is _not_ going well, especially when Carlos should be texting him any minute now. He changes in and out of at least three more shirts before he thinks _wait, what am I even trying to do here?_

It's not that he doesn't want to look nice, he's generally careful about his appearance whenever he's not wearing his work gear, but he realizes he's putting entirely too much thought into preparing an outfit for just a... potential new friend. 

And besides, he doesn't want to look like he's dressed for more than ice cream. Like he's pretentious or like he's expecting more out of this late-night meetup.

He sighs and picks up a faded green hoodie and a pair of dark grey jeans. That and sneakers should be casual enough. 

[22:54] _hey dad_

[22:54] _going to get some ice cream w carlos_

[22:54] _i'm not going to be long but_

[22:54] _hope you have your key with you_

With that, TK lands on the couch with a thud and tries not to overthink what he's about to do. It only lasts until he realizes he just mentioned it to his dad in such a nonchalant way. _Yikes._

[23:10] **Going to be there in ten minutes. You still up for it?**

Is Carlos kidding? What was TK going to say? _You've just driven all the way here from God knows where, but I suddenly don't feel like it anymore._

And besides, that is not the case at all. Yes, this is clearly an unconventional way to start a friendship (if that's what Carlos is looking for too), and it does make TK feel all sorts of things, but there is some fun in it and he can't deny that. 

[23:10] _of course_

[23:10] _i'm entirely committed to this quest_

[23:10] **Good. 😉**

TK takes a deep breath and stands up. His heart's been picking up its pace since he first texted Carlos and it had yet to calm down. He checks his phone one last time, but his dad seems to be too busy to reply and TK does _not_ want to imagine why. He just hopes he's having... a good time. 

Turning off all the lights in the house, he picks up his key and wallet and walks out, making sure to lock the door before he sets off to meet Carlos. 

It only takes him five minutes to get to the Cherrywood Coffeehouse, from where his dad grabs a cup of black coffee and a cran-apple salad whenever he gets a chance, but it's closed now and the light that usually spills from it as the evening draws near is turned off. TK is once again reminded of the hour. 

He looks around, wondering if Carlos's going to get there soon, but then he realizes that he doesn't even know what kind of car Carlos drives. He only knows his police car, which is a standard car anyway, and Carlos' already done with his shift from what TK's gathered from their conversation.

Suddenly, he's curious to find out what type of car a man like Carlos owns and he doesn't have to wonder for too long when — _lo and behold_ — a goddamn beautiful rich blue Camaro makes its way down the road and pulls up into the small parking space by the coffeeshop. TK can easily spot Carlos behind the wheel and it's safe to say that it takes a bit of effort for him not to stare with his mouth hanging open. 

As TK approaches, Carlos turns off the engine and steps out of the mesmerizing vehicle. 

"Wow," TK breathes out, unable to stop himself, "you've got quite a ride."

He looks up at Carlos to find the man smiling, and there's a shy edge to it that TK didn't expect.

And speaking of mesmerizing, it seems that Carlos does know how to steal the spotlight because as soon as TK takes him in, the beautiful car is forgotten.

He looks just as gorgeous as when they first met, sporting a dark grey t-shirt that does not hide his broad shoulders and strong upper arms, and a pair of dark blue jeans that TK _does not_ want to comment on at this time.

But what wins most of his attention is Carlos' face; the way it easily lights up, the glint in his eyes, and the curl of his eyelashes. 

"Thanks," Carlos says, glancing at the car, and TK is thankful to be bought back to the conversation, "had to save quite a bit to get it."

"Well, I really like it." TK declares confidently, giving a little nod in confirmation. 

"So... there's something I haven't told you." Carlos admits then, with a sheepish grin, looking between TK and the car. 

TK's eyebrows shoot up. _More surprises?_

"No, it's nothing really bad," Carlos assures him, "it's just... well, I thought that if we're going to get some ice cream, we might as well get something nicer than what they have at the supermarket, but since it's," he pauses, smiling, "late, I knew most places would be closed so I took the liberty of picking up some on my way here. It's from Manolis and it's really good, but it was going to close at eleven and we wouldn't have made it on time. You're not allergic to anything, right?" Carlos cringes slightly.

"We can still go to the supermarket, I really don't mind." he adds.

TK's... at a loss. _How is this man so nice and thoughtful??_

This feels less like what you'd do for a new friend and more like a date with a boyfriend, but then again, it could just be Southern hospitality. And maybe Carlos' just a particularly chivalrous man. 

"Uh," TK smiles, feeling self-conscious in a way that says _what, for me?_ "you didn't have to get through all that trouble."

"Trouble? What trouble?" Carlos smirks and shrugs, playing it off like it's nothing. 

TK closes his eyes and shakes his head, laughing.

"I'm more than fine with what anything you've brought. Thank you." 

"So are you allergic to anything?"

"Strawberries." TK answers with a small pout. Carlos' smile only widens.

"Well, you are in luck because I've got mango and tiramisu. Which one would you like?" 

TK stares at him for a few seconds, because he still can't believe this, and he isn't sure what the endgame is, but he's intrigued too.

"There's a park close by." he says instead, "We could eat there if you'd like."

It's Carlos' turn to look a little surprised at the suggestion. TK doesn't know why, maybe he's said something weird, but he feels better when Carlos' smile returns to his lips just as quickly as it left.

"Yeah, I'd like that." he nods, "Give me a second."

He watches as Carlos turns around and walks towards the blue Camaro. He opens the door and leans in, grabbing a colorful box that says Manolis on it. It reminds TK that this man actually finished a shift and drove all the way here to eat ice cream with him just because TK said he wanted some. It both freaks him out and makes him feel warm inside. 

And just like that, they find themselves sitting on a small bench. It overlooks most of the park and the view is pretty amazing.

It's not exactly empty, there are still people jogging or enjoying an evening walk, but it's quiet and peaceful and... intimate. 

"So," TK starts again, picking up the mango flavored ice cream, "did you drive for long?"

"Twenty-five minutes tops, including the ice cream emergency stop." 

"Not that far then." TK muses, plastic spoon between his lips.

"No, not really." 

"So tell me about yourself, Carlos." he says, focusing on not getting the softened ice cream onto his hoodie, "I barely know anything about you."

"Well," Carlos makes a face, "there isn't much to say really. I was born and raised in Austin. I like cooking, hiking, soccer, and I have an unhealthy obsession with Rihanna and Ed Sheeran." he chuckles, "What about you?"

"Oh, I love their music." TK pipes up, glancing at Carlos, "And I know a thing or two about unhealthy obsessions. My current one is Billie Eilish." he grins, "I know all of her songs and I have a giant poster of her on my wall." 

Carlos raises an eyebrow.

"The girl with the nosebleeds?"

TK's head snaps towards him so fast. He raises an eyebrow and then glares a little, but as soon as he sees Carlos smirk, he starts laughing. 

"Yeah, that girl."

"I'm just kidding," Carlos assures him, "I heard some of her stuff. It's quite good. Some of it is really deep."

"It is." TK says with a smile before returning to his ice cream, "And speaking of Rihanna, I know it's an old song but I still rock SOS when I'm cleaning. It makes chores fun."

Carlos laughs then, probably imagining what that would look like. TK watches the way his eyes crinkle and his lips glisten from the ice cream, and looks away before he loses his train of thought.

"So we have good taste in common." Carlos concludes.

"We do."

They end up talking for at least another hour, debating the most ridiculous stuff and laughing so hard, TK's sides hurt.

It's fun, talking to Carlos. He's witty and charming and he easily makes TK lose track of the time. 

He eventually checks his phone (still no message from his dad) and lets Carlos know that they should head back because he has an early shift. TK doesn't really want to go, he's had a really good time, but as the saying goes, all good things must come to an end (and all good girls go to hell).

When they arrive back at the coffeeshop, TK lingers next to Carlos' car, shuffling his feet. He doesn't really know how to thank Carlos for tonight, but he hopes the other man enjoyed it just as much.

"The ice cream was really good by the way. I loved it."

"Right? Manolis' known for their ice cream around here." Carlos says with a smile, "I mean, there _are_ better places, but this was the only one still open."

TK takes another moment to take him in. Carlos looks happy, sort of excited in a way, and TK thinks he wants to experience this again. That adrenaline from before comes back with a punch, sending a shiver down his spine and giving him a little courage.

"We should go sometimes," he says quietly and resists the urge to bite his lip, "to these places."

Carlos looks at him with an expression TK doesn't know how to read. It stays on for a couple of seconds before a smile slowly makes its way to his lips.

"We should." he agrees, just as quietly.

"Thank you for doing this." TK takes half a step back, "It was really nice. A bit crazy to come all the way here for ice cream, but I appreciate it."

"Ice cream and good company." Carlos corrects him and TK wants to bury his head in a pillow because this man needs to stop with these lines.

It makes TK feel all fuzzy inside. Seen, mostly.

"I could say the same." he counters, chuckling, "Good night, Carlos. I'll see you around."

"Night, TK. See ya."

As TK takes off, he tries not to glance behind his shoulder, but he does smile all the way back home, feeling light. Or lighter than he's been just hours before.

It's strange, like he's felt this before, but he isn't sure when or why. 


	5. Chapter 5

When TK had gotten home on the night of the unusual ice cream rendezvous, he had found his dad in the kitchen, eating leftover pasta. TK greeted him sheepishly, remembering the texts he had sent, and his dad replied in a light tone, but it was pretty obvious that he was studying TK curiously, as if there was something written on his face and he was struggling to read the message.

He tried to be nonchalant about it, but TK wasn't stupid, he knew his dad well, so he just went to wash his hands and waited for him to crack.

In all honesty, it was annoying, because he knew exactly what was coming, and he did not want to touch on that subject at all. He just wanted to make some friends and spend some quality time with someone else other than his dad. It didn't have to mean anything more than that.

"So," TK heard his dad say just as he was turning off the faucet, "ice cream with officer Reyes?"

TK rolled his eyes and huffed at the suggestive tone. 

"Dad." he warned, giving him a look before focusing on drying his hands. 

"I'm just saying." his dad shrugged, waving around the fork in his hand, "He seems like a nice young man."

"Can we not do this, please?" TK snapped slightly, "It's not like that."

Owen slowly raised his eyebrows at TK's tone, probably taken aback by the edge of it, but as soon as he saw the expression on his son's face, he turned serious. He placed his fork on the plate and looked towards TK, guilt evident on his face.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly, but firmly, "I didn't mean to upset you," he sighed, "and you're right. If it's not like that, then it's not like that."

TK stared at him for a moment longer and then he sighed too.

"Look, dad, I'm sorry I snapped, I just-" he paused, trying to find the right words, "I just can't think about anything like that right now. I still-" he curses under his breath, frustrated with himself, "I'm still not over what happened. I'm better, but I'm not over it. I just need more time."

Owen shook his head.

"Don't apologize. I was quite presumptuous. Parents are like that sometimes. And it's okay if you're not over it, I didn't actually expect you to be, I just," he makes a small gesture with his hand, "I suppose I just want you to be happy. And I was a bit too excited that you finally left the house by yourself without it being related to work."

At the mention of his predicament, TK looked away.

"I'm really trying, dad."

"I know, kiddo." Owen stood up and walked over to his son, pulling him into a tight hug, "And although I can be annoying at times, I'll always be here if you need me. You know that, right?"

TK slowly nodded against his dad's shoulder, closing his eyes at the comfort. 

But, in the end, it's that unusual rendezvous that kickstarts his friendship with Carlos. And TK's really grateful to have someone his age to spend some time with. Carlos makes good on his promise and shows TK at least a part of Austin. They go for walks alongside the Lady Bird Lake, they visit the beautiful Mexic-Arte Museum, they spend an entire day together, hiking to the Twin Falls (where TK basically bathes them both in sunscreen) and they eat copious amounts of ice cream, enough to know well most popular spots.

Truthfully, Carlos helps TK more than he thinks. The things he pushes TK to do, the way he approaches their friendship, give TK the courage he needs to finally try to get closer to the rest of his team. 

At first, he asks Marjan and Mateo out for drinks, and, as bickering is a 126 tradition, they end up having a heated debate over the best Brad Pitt movie, despite TK being the only one who's seen more than seven movies with him. To settle this debate, Mateo suggests that they go to his place for the following five Sundays to watch Brad's top five movies and come to a conclusion. 

"Five Sunday nights with y'all and an old, white man? No, thank you!" Marjan says with a huff, earning a scowl from TK, but she shows up at Mateo's place with snacks anyway. 

These Brad Pitt movie nights turn into general movie marathons and TK loves it. Paul and Judd join them when they can, and Mateo lets Judd know Grace is more than welcome too, turning the small apartment into a mini cinema. Even his dad drops by once or twice, when he's not too busy trying to impress a certain paramedic.

But the heated debates don't end with deciding the best Brad Pitt movie (which never happens anyway) and TK watches in awe as Paul and Judd, two grown adults, argue about which Fast and Furious movie is better. Mateo makes a point by saying they're all cool (TK doesn't know whether to agree or not seeing as the only things he remembers from the movies are awesome cars and how pretty Letty was), to which Marjan fake snores and proceeds to suggest that Judd and Paul should finish this with a thumb war.

These Sunday nights are really the highlight of TK's weekends and he wants to ask Carlos to come but he's also trying not to be overbearing and chase this friendship away. Despite knowing how to hide it well, he tends to be a pretty needy person, or at least he thinks he is, and he doesn't want Carlos to feel like he's signed up for more than what he wanted.

[22:04] _hey_

[22:04] _what's up?_

TK bites his lower lip. It's been two months since that night in the park, but he still feels nervous texting Carlos. He throws his phone on the bed and resumes watching Stranger Things on Netflix, just so he won't stare at his phone until Carlos replies. 

[22:07] **Just finished my shift and heading home.**

[22:07] **Lots of boring paperwork today. Can't wait to go for a run and stretch a bit. You? You didn't have a shift today, right?**

Of course Carlos would memorize most of his schedule. TK's seen him do it before with other things: favorite ice cream flavors, his obsession with collecting cute socks, his strawberry allergy, and now, his work shifts too.

Well, really, he's not the only one, but TK tries not to think too much about how he plans his free time on the likelihood of seeing Carlos.

[22:08] _actually i kinda did_

[22:08] _the other crew had to go to a training session in houston yesterday and_

[22:08] _they couldn't make it this morning so we covered for them_

[22:08] _but i was home by 2 and took a nap_

[22:08] _24, 30, same thing_ 🤪

[22:10] **You should take more than a nap. 🙄**

[22:11] _also, now that you've mentioned it_

[22:11] _i miss running_

[22:13] **You used to run?**

[22:13] _i'll have you know i'm very good at running_

[22:13] _even if i'm not as fit as you are_

[22:16] **You think I'm fit? :)**

_Does Carlos not own a mirror or...?_

[22:17] _yes i do have eyes if that's what you're asking_

_Wait... that sounds a lot like flirting. TK, stop being weird._

He bites his lip, unsure of the territory he's stepped on and afraid of making things awkward.

[22:19] _i don't mean this in a weird way, like i've been ogling you or something_

There's a shameless alternate version of TK that snorts loudly in the back of his head. _Right._

[22:19] _i mean you're obviously good at working out and keeping healthy_

[22:19] _everyone can see it_

TK groans. He's not sure this is better. 

[22:25] **Oh.**

[22:25] **Yeah, I get what you mean. Thanks.**

[22:25] **Well, if you want we can go on a run sometimes. Help you get back into shape.**

TK stares. That would be... fun. He immediately feels a spark of excitement rush through him, smiling at the text like an idiot. Maybe he didn't entirely fuck up this conversation.

But still... what if he's just being polite? Like one of these things people say to just be nice.

It's not like Carlos to fake niceties, but they've spent a lot of time together lately and TK doesn't want him to feel smothered. He _should_ play it cooler, but somehow he has little control over himself when it comes to doing things with this man. 

It probably has something to do with how addictive being around Carlos is. They debate the silliest things, they laugh until their sides hurt and TK feels safe in the easy conversations they have. Like he's seen, understood, accepted. 

He doesn't know what Carlos really thinks but there were very few moments TK felt shame admitting something about himself.

To be fair though, Carlos doesn't know the worst things about him. And TK isn't sure if he should tell him either.

On one hand, there are moments when he really does want to be honest about why he's in Austin in the first place, and the words are there, on the tip of his tongue, especially because Carlos is the closest thing to a best friend that TK has, but on the other hand, there's also comfort in being someone new, someone fresh, and not a former drug addict whose boyfriend of two years left him when he tried to propose.

All things considered, he's willing to push his luck just a bit more.

[22:31] _you sure? are you not sick of hanging out with me?_

TK groans loudly once again, covering his face with his hands. He sounds silly and he doesn't know what's up with him lately, but there are times when he just forgets how to actually hold a conversation like an adult and not get flustered by the smallest things and turn into a bundle of nerves. 

[22:33] **So does Thursday night at around 10 sound good to you?**

TK can't help but laugh.


	6. Chapter 6

People look different when they forget they're being watched and TK is easily reminded of this fact when he has lunch with Marjan and Mateo one day.

Marjan's been talking about South by Southwest for the past twenty minutes and while TK is only mildly interested in the topic, Mateo seems to be outright excited.

It kinda looks like he would be content to just sit there and listen to her, even if she decided to speak about this for another hour, and TK suspects he isn't as thrilled by this event as she is, but he does nod every now and then, prompting her to carry on.

It's endearing, the way Mateo's face lights up whenever she glances at him, smile widening at her ramblings. And when he's not listening to her talk endlessly about her interests, he's busy remembering her coffee order or offering her a ride home at the end of a tiring shift.

TK often wonders if she knows how he really feels, but if she does, she isn't showing it. 

_ping_

_ping_

_ping_

He is bought out of his thoughts by the sound of his phone. It lights up on the table, next to his hand, and he instantly smiles when he sees Carlos' name displayed on it. 

[12:48] **Hey.**

[12:48] **Are we still meeting tonight?**

[12:48] **I'm kinda excited to see you lose a race.**

_Race? What race?_

[12:49] _hmmm_

[12:49] _i don't remember agreeing to a race_

And he hasn't. In fact, he's admitted to not running in a while so he's sure Carlos is playing games with him.

[12:50] **I promise I'll go easy on you.**

With that kind of reply, TK can just imagine the smirk on Carlos' face and he huffs at the text, forgetting his surroundings. He knows this is playful teasing, but his competitive side says _game on_.

[12:50] _no need_

[12:50] _i can win fair and square_

[12:51] **Is that so?**

TK honestly has no idea, it's probably more of a 'no', especially since Carlos seems like the kind of man who doesn't skip leg day (and who's more disciplined than TK anyway), but those are details Carlos doesn't need to know.

[12:51] _you bet_

[12:51] **Bet on what?**

"So what do you think about that, TK?"

At the sound of his name, TK glances up for a second and hums, still lost in his conversation with Carlos and already trying to come up with ways to beat him in a race.

"Sounds great, Marjan." he says absentmindedly, a smile still on his face and eyes back on the phone.

"See Mateo? TK totally supports my idea of learning to juggle and joining the circus."

_Wait, what?_

TK frowns for a second and looks up at Marjan with uncertainty. He finds her staring back at him with a quirked eyebrow. 

"Welcome back!" she greets him, smirking. "Who's got you smiling like that?"

TK groans then, rolling his eyes at how easily he fell into that trap. Mateo seems to thoroughly enjoy this exchange, mimicking Marjan's mischievous look.

"No one. I was just texting a friend." he says, shurgging.

"A friend." Marjan repeats with pursed lips, doubt obvious in her tone. 

TK looks away. There's no reason to hide this from them, or to hide it at all. He's not doing anything wrong and Carlos isn't a secret, but no one except his dad really knows much they actually hang out. And his reaction to the whole thing was pretty much the reason TK wasn't eager to talk about his friendship with Carlos. It's not that some playful banter bothers him, it's just that it makes him overthink everything.

"It's Carlos." he finally admits, trying to sound casual.

"Carlos? You mean officer Carlos Reyes?" Mateo questions, seemingly confused with the connection, and TK doesn't blame him because he and Carlos only recently started interacting more while being at work. 

"No," Marjan places a hand on Mateo's arm, slightly shaking her head, "it's Carlos." she corrects, the name rolling off her tongue deliciously, "Just Carlos, you know." she winks. 

"Wait," Mateo pipes up and looks back to TK, "didn't you two dance when we went to Moonshine that one night?"

"It's not like that." TK rolls his eyes again, trying his hardest not to smile at the memory, "We're just friends." 

Marjan stares at him for a little while, an all-knowing look on her face.

"Uh-huh."

She thinks she's doing something and TK's about to tell her that she's not, but she turns to Mateo before he gets the chance.

"So what movie are we seeing this week? No more Avengers, Mateo. I want something horror." 

Mateo seems to be a bit taken aback by the sudden change of subject, looking between them as if he missed some crucial social que, but he and Marjan slip back into conversation without any effort and this gives TK time to ponder things.

He allows himself a moment to entertain the idea of him and Carlos as more than friends, just because everyone seems to immediately think of that, but then his heart starts beating so, so fast and he's suddenly kind of terrified by the concept. 

Carlos is smart and sweet and caring, and really fun too, but there's this lump that forms in TK's throat when he dares to imagine what kissing this man would feel like. His stomach twists and turns at the thought, tightening in a way that isn't exactly painful, but it's not very comfortable either. 

Look, Carlos is an attractive man, and TK's openly admitted that before because there's no point in denying what is objectively true, but the problem is that Carlos is so much more than that and it's those things that make it difficult for TK to stay away from him.

When he had bumped into Carlos that night in Moonshine, TK was in a dark place, one that left him hopeless and miserable, but then Carlos invited himself into his life, and TK, even though he took his time, said sure, _come in_ and it's been so much better ever since.

He wishes it would be easy, falling in love with this man, but it's not. After Alex, TK held onto his heart with clenched hands, and the thought of giving it away again, of trying to be happy with someone else, scares him so much. 

And besides, this is all hypothetical. Yes, Carlos hangs out with him a lot, but that doesn't necessarily mean there's something more to it. 

_But you want it to be,_ a rogue voice supplies, and TK almost shakes his head in protest. He really doesn't. What would be the point? Maybe TK can entertain someone for a small amount of time at regular intervals, but there has to be something about him that made Alex look for love in other people. 

It's a peculiar thing, losing someone without seeing the signs, like being hit by a runaway train, and in that lack of understanding, you lose yourself searching for reasons as to why you weren't enough. TK tries not to think about it too much anymore but when he does revisit that line of thoughts, he drives himself mad looking for answers. 

_ping_

[13:26] **My break's over. See you at 10 at Eastwoods?**

TK can't really say anything except _yes, I'll be there_.

That night, his dad watches with raised eyebrows as he quickly takes off his shoes and darts up the stairs to hit the shower. TK can't really enjoy the hot water as he normally would, especially after a shift, but he washes the day off himself and gets out as soon as he can.

In an effort to not be late, or at least not _very_ late, he rushes from place to place, changes out of two different t-shirts, and styles his hair just a little. When he grabs his water bottle from the kitchen so he can fill it up, his dad's curious eyes follow his every move.

"Might I ask what's the hurry?" 

TK turns to face him, putting the cap on his bottle of water.

"Running," he explains, feeling a little nervous, "with Carlos." 

His dad frowns.

"Why? Who's chasing you?" 

TK stares for a second before he closes his eyes and shakes his head, trying to suppress a smile. 

"Very funny." he mocks, making his dad laugh. 

"I'm glad you're going on runs again. You need it." his dad says in a softer voice, "Just be careful, okay?"

TK nods, already excited to be on his way.

Thirty minutes later or so, he's walking down Harris Park Avenue, hurrying past the long line of houses. He's at least ten minutes late. 

He spots Carlos ahead of him, his back towards TK, and while it is kinda dark, TK can see he's wearing a white t-shirt and plain black shorts. He is once again reminded of this man's incredible physique so he takes just a second to admire him from afar. He's also starting to have doubts about agreeing to a race him.

As soon as he's near, TK slows down and tries to approach Carlos silently in an effort to surprise him. The closer he gets to him, the more he can smell his aftershave, clean and fresh and very addictive, but, to his great disappointment, just as he's close enough to poke Carlos and startle him, the man lazily glances over his shoulder and smiles. 

"You'll have to try harder than that." he says, putting his phone in his pocket and turning around.

TK huffs. 

"You and your cat-like instincts. You're no fun." he pouts, stepping back from Carlos' personal space.

"It's part of my resume." Carlos shrugs, his smile widening, "I thought you bailed on me."

TK rolls his eyes, mirroring his smile. 

"Nah. I want to see your face when you lose." 

Carlos seems impressed by the challenge and by TK's confidence.

"It seems that what they say is true. Firefighters really are a smug bunch."

TK's mouth hangs open for a moment. _The audacity._

"Hey, you started this." he says, and then his tone actually turns smug, "Besides, I know you love to banter."

"That's true." Carlos laughs, leading them towards the park.

They start off with some light jogging, just to get their muscles ready for the effort, and TK finds that just being around Carlos gives him the energy to get back into this. They follow an easy trail that circles the entire park and while it isn't as full of people as the other pathways, TK really enjoys the peaceful atmosphere it gives. 

Until Carlos pulls him out of his thoughts, that is.

"Ready to get left behind?" he looks at TK with a smirk. TK stops jogging to fake glare at him. 

"Fine." he says, his hands on his hips, "Let's do this." 

Carlos quirks an eyebrow at his determination, but then he just nods and comes to stand next to him.

"Just so you know," TK points out, looking ahead at the trail, "if I somehow trip and fall, I'm moving states again."

It's Carlos' turn to roll his eyes. 

"You won't fall." he states firmly, "And if you do, I promise I'll still go out with you in public." 

TK gives him a look, making Carlos laugh. 

"Ready?" he asks, crouching down to make sure his laces are tied tight.

"Yes." Carlos smiles, seemingly excited, "You?" 

"Yup." 

As soon as TK's standing back up, Carlos settles in position. 

"One," he slowly begins counting, "two," TK leans slightly, putting his right foot in front of him, "three!" 


	7. Chapter 7

The race ends nothing like TK's expected. He isn't exactly sure what happened in the last few seconds, but he does know he's on the ground, laughing uncontrollably as the grass around his face tickles his skin. There's a dull ache where he landed and while he knows he's going to have at least a bruised elbow tomorrow, he can't be bothered with it right now. He's definitely been through worse.

Blinking his eyes open and still chuckling at his predicament, he realizes Carlos is half on top of him, propped onto his hands, one next to each of TK's shoulders, leaning over him and looking rather concerned. 

"You okay?" he asks, his tone serious and worried, "Are you hurt anywhere?" 

TK doesn't answer immediately. Instead, he takes a moment to take in Carlos, so close to his face. It's dark, even darker considering that they're lying in the shade of a tree that's blocking out the light from the lampposts, but even in this darkness, TK can make out all the lines of Carlos' face, painted with worry, his sweet brown eyes, darting all over TK's face and trying to make sense of things, or his lips, so plush and...

"My ego's definitely hurt." he laughs again, embarrassed, and while Carlos seems to relax a little, he still looks uncertain, like he isn't yet sure that TK's fine.

"Were you trying to grab my t-shirt?"

"No," TK says suddenly, defensive, and then, "well, yes, but I wasn't going to hold on, I was just trying to distract you." he cringes, closing his eyes again because that definitely makes his top ten most embarrassing moments, "I'm sorry, did you fall too? I hope not." 

"No, I'm fine," Carlos assures him immediately, "I was just worried that you hurt yourself." he sighs, "Look, I'm sorry, this is all my fault-"

TK is suddenly very, very awake and no longer dizzy, all the shame caused by his fall forgotten when he hears Carlos' words. He props himself on his elbows and doesn't even realize that they're just a couple of inches apart.

"Hey, no," he says firmly, "this can't possibly be your fault. I was just being dumb. And I wanted to win by distracting you somehow." he searches Carlos' eyes, "I can take responsibility for being a klutz. If anything, I'm the one who's sorry."

Carlos doesn't say anything for the longest time, looking TK in the eyes unmoving, and TK isn't sure what he sees, or what he's trying to see, but he finds that he cannot look away either. It's like time kind of slows down around them, sounds echoing distantly, and TK can't think of anything to say or do to break this silence. He isn't even sure he wants to, especially when he sees Carlos' brown eyes drift towards his lips. 

TK swallows on instinct, trying to process what's happening, but he doesn't really get the chance because Carlos' lips are suddenly on his, soft and warm and absolutely intoxicating. His eyes flutter close, chest tightening at the sensation. 

It's nothing more than a brush of the lips, but the hairs on TK's arms still stand up, waves of electricity coursing through his body like they haven't in a very long time.

Carlos lingers there, pushes his lips against TK's one more time, curious and daring. One of his hands finds its way to TK's neck and TK just can't help the goosebumps that raise all over his body with that simple touch. 

It feels... so good. His heart is basically hammering in his chest and for a moment, a silly, crazy moment, he wants to lunge forward, chase after a deeper kiss, but then Carlos is slowly pulling away and TK misses the contact as soon as it's gone. 

"You're not dumb." Carlos whispers against his lips, his thumb gently caressing TK's neck. 

At those words, TK finally opens his eyes.

It's like he's coming out of a daze, still drunk on the feeling of what just happened. 

When his vision clears, he notices that Carlos hasn't really moved away, their noses almost brushing. He inhales, slowly and steadily and it's only now that he realizes what just occurred between them moments ago. 

A wave of panic suddenly washes over him, fear settling deep in his gut as he looks away from Carlos.

 _That_ was not supposed to happen. In fact, it was the opposite of what TK had planned for them. 

Fuck. _Fuck._

"Uhm," TK starts, unable to look Carlos in the eyes again, "I think I should leave."

He pulls away from the other man, struggling to stand up. His hip seems to also protest the movement, sore after the fall. 

"TK, I'm sorry, I didn't—" Carlos tries to say as soon as he's on his feet, but TK can't hear it right now. Not when there's a literal storm of thoughts clouding his head and bringing forth feelings he didn't even realize he had. And ones he had tried hard to forget.

"No, it's fine, I just—" he takes a step back, "I need to go, okay?"

"Let me take you home. I had to drive here and—"

"No, it's fine, I can make it." 

"Are you sure? I could—" Carlos takes a step forward and TK immediately takes a step back. They can't be close anymore, not when everything is so conflicting.

"Please!" TK says, a little louder than he intended, and finally looks up at Carlos. He hopes that the crack in his voice isn't too obvious, "I really need to be alone right now."

TK definitely isn't prepared for what he sees when their eyes meet again. Carlos, usually the calm and confident one, looks like he's full of grief and regret, struggling to come up with something to say. He doesn't seem to know what to do with his hands, like they're itching to grab onto something, and they helplessly twitch at his sides. 

"Okay," he says, nodding to assure TK that he understood, "Okay, I'm sorry. Will you text me when you get home?"

TK honestly wishes that there was a wall nearby that he could punch right now. Instead, it is he who's taking punch after punch. 

"Yeah," he says, fighting the sting in his eyes, "yeah, okay." 

TK walks away then, mostly because he cannot keep control of himself much longer. He doesn't have the nerve to look back, afraid of seeing something worse in Carlos' gaze, and by the time he gets to the park's gates, his vision is so blurry he can barely see anything at all. 

Falling... TK's good at that. Whether he's falling down as he trips on his feet or foolishly falling in love, he always seems to fall in some way. And he could blame Carlos, he really could, he's told him that this isn't something he can do now, but the truth was that he had wanted Carlos to kiss him way before Carlos probably even decided to.

Still, those two things were totally different. One was a silly, silly thought that came to TK as he and Carlos got closer, a thought that TK pushed away with all of his might, and the other was the solid knowledge that this isn't any longer just something that his friends tease him about. This is real and raw and, despite everything, it's what TK really wants deep down. 

Maybe he should have stayed a little longer, basking in this sweetness for just a few more minutes, pretend it isn't also reminding him of all of his insecurities, but what would be the use in that? He's only left Carlos ten minutes ago and he already misses him like crazy. What would more of Carlos do to him? And, more importantly, how would he handle having any less?


	8. Chapter 8

TK can't stop crying, not even thirty minutes later when he's already standing in front of his house. His face feels very hot, his nose is a shade too red and no matter how hard he tries to brush the tears away, they still stubbornly push through his eyelashes, rushing down his cheeks in an effort to frustrate him even more. 

He isn't sure he wants to go inside. When he's not out with someone, or on a shift, his dad is usually asleep by now, but TK is still scared of bumping into him and having to explain why he looks like an absolute mess. He sighs and sits down on the curb of the sidewalk, bringing his knees close to his chest and resting his head upon them. 

Nevermind the ache in his hip, or the fact that he'd ran more than he'd been used to in the past few weeks, crying alone seems to have taken most of his energy away. That, and his inability to keep his feelings in check. God, what would Carlos think of him?

_ping_

[23:59] **Hey. I was going to wait for your text, but I just couldn't help myself. I don't know what came over me, but I'm really sorry. I never meant to make you uncomfortable.**

_ping_

[00:00] **I know you told me this isn't something you're looking for and I know I fucked up. I really am sorry. I hope I'm not making it worse, but I just wanted to tell you that you're really special to me, and I don't want to lose our friendship, so I hope you can forgive me.**

_ping_

[00:00] **I also know we can't just pretend nothing happened so if you need time and space, I understand.**

_ping_

[00:01] **Hope you've managed to get home safely. Please text me back.**

TK reads these lines over and over, his heart beating madly in his chest. He's torn between being happy that Carlos doesn't hate him for the scene he pulled and confused as to what Carlos is trying to say. Was this kiss something that just happened in the heat of the moment? Did he mean it or not?

TK's not sure, and even though he's supposed to accept it and be happy that Carlos might have not meant it (because he's the one who's been upset over it in the first place), his chest tightens at the idea of having to pretend that this wasn't something special for him and that it only happened because of post running adrenaline.

He doesn't know what to tell Carlos, he's certainly not mad at him, he's just very frustrated with himself for being the reason they are in this situation. He should say something because the mere thought of losing Carlos makes him nauseous, but at the same time, he doesn't know if he can pretend this wasn't a big deal. 

"TK, what are you doing out here?" his dad's voice echoes through the mostly deserted street, laced with sleep and concern, and TK's breath gets stuck in his throat at the realization that he'd been caught sitting on the sidewalk. 

_How did he..._ TK sits up quickly, the sudden movement making him a little dizzy, and he tries to discreetly dry his tear-stained cheeks with the balls of his hands. It's kind of stupid really, anyone could tell there's something wrong with him, especially his own dad, but he still hasn't come up with an excuse for it and he's worried about the reaction he might get if he tells the truth.

When he turns around, he sees his dad standing by the door, holding it open. He's in his pajamas, his hair sticks out at odd ends and he looks half asleep so TK wonders just how he knew.

"Dad, why-"

"Mrs. Williams called me." Owen answers before TK can even finish, "The nice lady that always drops by with some apple pie for us? She called me saying she saw you when she looked outside the window. Said she was worried because you looked sad."

TK closes his eyes and sighs. Older neighbors are usually really nice, but they're also a bit nosy. He isn't exactly mad, mostly he's really tired, but there's nothing he can do about it now. 

"Come on then," Owen prompts, "I'll make you some tea." 

Defeated, TK follows his dad inside. He takes off his shoes and walks into the kitchen, where he sees his dad grab the electric kettle to fill it up with water. He washes his hands and sits down at the table, trying his best to look normal even when his eyelashes still feel cold and wet against his cheeks.

Owen turns the kettle on and comes to sit down next to TK. He seems more awake now, but TK still feels guilty.

"So what happened with Carlos?" he asks, as straightforward as always.

"Nothing hap—"

"If you don't want to tell me, that's fine, TK," he leans back in his seat, crossing his arms, "but something definitely happened." 

TK is silent for the longest time. He chews at his bottom lip, wondering if he should come clean. In the end, he realizes there's no point in hiding it from his dad. He's the only person with whom he could really talk about it.

"I just—" he sighs, "He kissed me."

Owen looks at him for a little while, searching TK's face. Then he just nods, seemingly unsurprised. 

"And what did you do?"

"I panicked." TK says, cringing, "I pretty much told him to leave me alone. I didn't see it coming and I didn't know what to do. I thought we were friends and then he-"

"So you don't feel the same way?" Owen asks with a casual tone.

"I, uh—" TK looks away from his dad, glaring at the bowl of fruit that's sitting on the table, "That's the problem. I thought I didn't." 

Owen hums slowly.

"So what is the problem exactly?"

"Dad," TK gives him a look, like Owen should have caught up by now, "we're just friends." 

Owen laughs then, shaking his head. It takes TK by surprise and he stares at his dad, confused as to what's so amusing. 

"I'm sorry," Owen says, still smiling, and it's a tad annoying if TK's honest, "I shouldn't laugh, I really shouldn't, but you two are something else."

TK frowns at him. Maybe he shouldn't have said anything after all.

"TK, you were never just friends." Owen tells him, his voice serious.

"That's not—"

"I mean, yeah, you are friends, even best friends. You talk for hours and spend a whole lot of time together. You're always laughing when you're on the phone and you two obviously care about each other a lot, but you were never just friends. I know you got mad at me when I made that joke in the beginning, and I admit I was only teasing you, but then I started seeing you two together; the way you acted around each other when Carlos would come to pick you up, how excited you were to see him and how he smiled when he saw you. I mean no offense, but sometimes you looked at each other like you were the only people in the room." Owen laughs again, fondly, "There was always something else besides friendship between you two." 

TK blinks. He needs a moment. His dad seems to read it on his face because he gets up and turns off the kettle. 

TK's mind immediately backtracks. He goes through all the moments between him and Carlos that he remembers and he wonders how could he have been so foolish to believe he wouldn't fall in love with Carlos Reyes. After all, thinking back on it, he was the man who finished a shift and then drove through Austin to bring TK ice cream. The man who showed up with pizza when TK said he felt sick and couldn't hang out on their day off. The man who was pretty much the reason TK didn't wither away on the living room couch, unable to properly function after his life had been turned upside down. 

TK wants to laugh... and cry. This is so surreal that he's not entirely sure what he's feeling. He is aware that he's always had certain feelings for Carlos, but that kiss unlocked every one of them and they all hit TK like a wrecking ball.

"Are you okay?" Owen looks at him before he places the two cups of tea on the table and sits down.

"I... I can't." TK says, his jaw tightening. 

"You can't what?" 

"I can't do this, dad. Not again." he answers, hating the way his voice sounds weak and pained.

"Do what exactly?"

"This whole thing." he says, frustrated, and his eyes start stinging again, "Falling in love with someone, getting into a relationship, watching it crumble eventually. There's no point in ruining our friendship." 

"So you're saying you've decided to sabotage yourself?"

"Sabotage myself?" TK looks up. 

"Well, that's what it looks like to me. You somehow think that every relationship you'll have will end the way your relationship with Alex ended and so you've decided to avoid all relationships."

"Well, what's the point? It will happen. Carlos doesn't even know about my past and the..."

"He doesn't seem like the type who judges people like that, Tyler." Owen sighs," And I know you're scared, I'm not telling you what to do, but you can't spend your whole life denying yourself a chance to love again just because an idiot didn't know better than to break up with you the moment he realized things weren't actually working out." his dad says, tone sharper the moment he mentions Alex. 

TK swallows. Hard. He knows his dad is making a whole lot of sense, but the fear of losing everything still has a tight grip on him. He wants this, he does, his lips still tingle where Carlos kissed him, but there's still so much that Carlos doesn't know about him. 

"Look, you don't have to make a decision right now. It's late, we're both tired and you should get some sleep. Just.. think about what I said, okay? It's not even about Carlos, it's about you allowing yourself to be happy again." 

"Yeah, okay." TK nods, putting his hands around the warm cup of tea, "Thanks, dad."

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what this is or where it's going... It's just... something. 🙈
> 
> Lemme know what you think 🙈
> 
> The title is a Hozier song.


End file.
